Who Stole My Crayons?

If you can hear this don’t assume that I’m talking to you
Yesterday everything I thought, I believed in died
But today is my birthday, today is my birthday

I don’t need you, I’ll say it to myself
It doesn’t mean I won’t need somebody
Anyone with half a soul will hear this and they’ll never leave me

If you don’t know what forever feels like
I’ll show you what it feels like without it
I’ll show you what it feels like without it

This time I won’t hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in
This time I won’t hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in

And I can get by now, I’m not really dead
But I really needed someone to save me
Leaving me alone to die
Is worse than having any guts to kill me

If you don’t know what forever feels like
I’ll show you what it feels like without it
I’ll show you what it feels like without it

This time I won’t hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in
This time I won’t hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in

Not letting you win won’t satisfy me
I’ll teach you about loss
Not letting you win won’t satisfy me
I’ll teach you about loss

15

~Marilyn Manson

wow, its sunny and 54 degrees today

i’m not sure what do…. left the house with just one jacket and no gloves….

hope it stays this this way…. am not missing the high in the low 30’s days

week one of 2010 as far as work goes can suck it.  i just moved my office from super tiny closet to slightly larger closet only to find that our VP is trying to get us moved to another building.  if i have to move all that shit again i am really going to be pissed!

been real good about getting to work early and working hard to get everything from 2009 caught up and new projects i’m getting on track for 2010.  however it seems the harder i work, the further behind i get and it getting on my damn nerves already.

classes at the y started this week, pilates is already kicking my ass and aqua fit starts today.

but the boys are happy and doing well and i have 4 day work weeks the entire month of january (this week is a four day weekend)

well time to get ready for class..

hope everyone had a good xmas/yule/winter type holiday and safe/festive new year.  i rung in the new year playing lego bat man on my xbox :-)  some of the game angles are a bitch but i am enjoying the game (and its 2 player!)

a few of my awesome xmas gifts this year: hello kitty barbie, farscape series dvd set, donations to the ferret shelter where i volunteer, hello kitty ornaments, hand scrubby stuff, new porsche book, wizard nut cracker, misc fun hello kitty stuffs and some gift cards.    the weasels got a nice haul of new toys, snacks and blankies this year too.  (but they aren’t spoiled)

starting the new year with $0 balances on both cc’s, $ in all three savings account, a new budget made up, direct withdraw set up, new calendar program up and running, signed up for classes at teh y and some goals in mind.  the goals include (but need to be  refined): loss at least 30 pounds with 20 gone by bathing suit season, add at least $6k to one saving account, build up reserve in immediate need savings account (aka the ferret adn disaster fund), blog more on both sites, work out 15+ times per month, get a good chore schedule up and in place.  not all of these will happen at once or nothing will get accomplished.

also this year going to hit a few ferret shows because i haven’t been in years, learn to shoot my new handgun,  maybe take a vacation even its just weekend trip or two, learn to sew so i can make my own ferret mats and sleepy sacks, and lastly get some meditation in because everyone can use a little inner peace. 

work is annoying and sucky (whats new) need to work on a new plan regarding that foolishness.

i started volunteering in October (at a ferret shelter of course) and have found it extremely rewarding.  if you don’t volunteer now i would highly recommend it.  if you go to volunteer match you can search for all sort of charities that need help and there is a great need for help especially now.  and what better gift then your time. 

well time to get ready because we are going to take a new PC (aka my old pc) because the mother board is going up on his dinosaur. 

How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you
I move the stars for no one

You’ve run so long
You’ve run so far

Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you

Yes I do

Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can’t live within you
I can’t live within you

(sigh)

I, I can’t live within you

~ david bowie

Current Mood: Happy

mmmmmmm, have reservations tonight at ruth chris tonight with ccb and rr. yum can’t wait.  tasty beverage, tasty food, gift cert and summer special menu.

you know you are jealous

Current Mood: Argh

so i actually had a dream. actually i probably dream a bunch but i just usually never remember any of them.  this morning is did.

it was a seemingly long bizzarre dream which lots of uneventful silliness and strangness that i won’t get into… but then i was in a weird office and someone i didn’t really know came up and just laid me off. wtf? then someone i do know at work (who is not known to be pleasant) came up and was like here’s your packet and handed me the infamous white envelope.  then she smiled and walked away. (not a fake smile the big ‘haha’ smile)

i was pissed, really pissed (asshats) and had a mini hissy fit including throwing my crappy work phone, making a loud statement alone the lines of ‘are you serious? this is bullshit’ and i left.  then i woke up and i was pissed. lol

so now i sit here an wonder, was the dream a product of unending stress at work that includes more job responsibility changes and constant worry about the next ‘redcution in force’ or it a preminission of things to come….  hummmmm….. i think i’ll be working on my resume later just to be safe (and secretly stash some boxes so i can slowly bring some personal stuff home from my office)

what a great way to start the weekend

Current Mood: Eek

yes bad me, no posting

been a bit crazy with multiple layoffs at work and another rumored to be soon (but i’m still there), but no raises, no bonus’, no 401k match… wonder what they will cut next?

my job roles have changed at least 3 times and i just got my 2009 goals (and the year is half freakin over)  luckily some are done but one won’t make the timeline, oh well tough shit

harddrive in the lappy died last month, thank goodness for applecare because i about had a coronary thinking it was dead and luckily had backed up the entire harddrive 2 weeks before-only lost some music and itunes was nice enough to let me re-download it

finally recognized/realized that i cannot take two college classes, work full time, take care of 3 ferret, keep the condo semi clean and stay sane all at the same time.  new plan it for one class at a time (yes it will take longer but oh well) and set asside some me time

decided to change my major to information systems management with a minor in business admin since i do so much IT crap now may as well get paid for it (plus way more options in that field)  i wonder if i’ll ever finish school at this point

well off to make dinner that i should have started half an hour ago but was busy goofing off with the boys

I hate the world today
Your so good to me, I know
But I cant change
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe Im an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how youd be so confused
I dont envy you
Im a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im your dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean youll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And Im going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today wont mean a thing

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im your dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

Just when you think you got me figured out
The seasons already changin
I think its cool you do whatcha do
And dont try to save me

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

Im a bitch
Im a tease
Im a goddess on my knees
When youre hurt
When you suffer
Im your angel undercover
Ive been numb
Im revived
Cant say Im not alive
You know I wouldnt want it any other way

Current Mood: Esctatic

its been a really shitty year so far.  i’m so busy and stressed at work most days i don’t what the hell is going on.  but at least i still have a job.   its been really cold, snowing and dismal too which hasn’t really help my mood at all.   and the gas & electric bill is enough to give anyone heartburn.

but, something strange happened…. i’m in a good mood

i had the first chipmunk sighting of the year so spring must be on its way.  also the bulbs in teh triangle of dirt are starting to come up!!!  Amazingly after being 8 degress earlier this week, today they are calling for 70’s. woohoo, plan on opening up the house today and washing some stinky furkids.

i checked my bank account and miraculously there is actually some money left in there.  scary.  not sure how that happened, everything got paid so woohoo for me!

getting a new used 50 inch tv later today. after rearraning a bunch of furniture i’ll be playing my new favorite game, house of the dead overkill!

while checking some sites yesterday, i saw that (GASP) NIN is coming to merriweather in JUNE!!! OMG yoda and i are so going to that regardless of ticket price.  that might even be more fun then seeing combichrist at teh recher in February.